So I'm a photographer now(?)

Hi friends.  It's been a while.  Four months to the day since my last post to be exact.

My absence from the blog wasn't necessarily planned.  I didn't want to do seven baby Cameron update posts in a row (remarkably late), and I ran out of other things to write about so I stopped writing for a season.

During that time we visited America for 2 months over the holidays which was a welcome respite for my soul.  Being away from family, home country, and American culture for over 2 years affected me in many ways, some that I recognized prior to the holiday and some that I only discovered after leaving Brunei.  We saw the trip as an opportunity to step out of "real life" for a time, pause, reflect and evaluate, and then move forward again.  And in doing so, I decided that I want to officially pursue photography, an idea that I had been throwing around in my mind but shying away from ever since I bought my DSLR over a year ago.

These are the reasons why I didn't want to do it:
1. It's cliche.  (I don't mean to offend any of my friends turned photographers, so please give me grace.)  Everybody's doing it.  Especially Christian, stay at home moms.  I've seen so many articles in recent years defending the art of photography from 'amateurs who think they can just pick up a DSLR and call themselves a photographer' and I didn't want to be another one of those.
2. It's intimidating.  I like photography and it brings me joy, but don't see myself yet as an incredibly skilled or talented photographer.  I struggled with the idea of jumping into the photography world without feeling like a poser.
3. I might fail.  It's hard for me to willingly choose to do things I'm not yet very good at because I'm afraid to fail at them.  (An issue that I recognize holds me back and I'm constantly working to overcome in many areas of life.)

These are the reasons I decided to go ahead and try:
1. The above reasons are lame and all motivated by fear.  I don't want to make decisions in life based on fear.
2. I have learned in my 3 years of full time motherhood that I am a "doer" and I get energy and joy from working on and completing projects I enjoy.  Key word being completing. Full-time parenting and home-making doesn't feel like something that can easily be completed on a daily/weekly basis, it is an enormous and long lasting task that stretches over the entire 18 years my children are living at home (and beyond).  Justin and I both recognized that I would be happier adding some type of completable work to my days that is both something I really enjoy, and flexible enough to mesh with my first priority- being a wife and mother.  
3. I really like photography.  I am happy when I am taking and sharing good photographs.

I'd be honored if you followed along!
Instagram: @nicolepaynefamilyphotography
Facebook: Nicole Payne Photography

Photo by Nicole Payne--all rights reserved.

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